Monday, 24 January 2011

Hughes Brothers, The Book of Eli (2010)

HUGHES A1: You know what's cool? The Road. Did you see that film? That's a cool film.
HUGHES A2: You're not wrong, my brother. Kind of a downer, though.
HUGHES A1: All the way down.
HUGHES A2: You know what it was missing?
HUGHES A1: What?
HUGHES A2: Ninja swordplay.
HUGHES A1: Well -- what film isn't improved by Ninja swordplay?
HUGHES A2: Ninja swordplay is cool.
HUGHES A1: Way cool!
HUGHES A2: Tell you what, though. You know what's cooler than a Ninja swordsman?
HUGHES A1: What?
HUGHES A2: A blind Ninja swordsman!
HUGHES A1: Wowz! Like Rutger Hauer in Blind Fury?
HUGHES A2: Rutger Hauer is cool. Who's cooler? -- except, maybe ...
HUGHES A1: ... a black Rutger Hauer?
HUGHES A2: You read my mind!
HUGHES A1: Obviously a black Rutger Hauer is going to be cooler than some pasty-faced white Rutger Hauer.
HUGHES A2: That's nothing but the truth. There's something missing though. What? What's missing?
HUGHES A1: Cannibalism?
HUGHES A2: Obviously we'll include the cannibalism.
HUGHES A1: Scenes from Deadwood?
HUGHES A2: Yeah, yeah. But ...
HUGHES A1: Mad Max 2?
HUGHES A2: You think I'm an idiot? Of course Mad Max 2! No ... something else ...
HUGHES A1: Distinguished elderly British character actors making fools of themselves in rags with fake US accents?
HUGHES A2: Goes without saying. No, I'm thinking something else is needful.
HUGHES A1: [Pulling the name from thin air] Truffaut's Farenheit 451?
HUGHES A2: What?
HUGHES A1: Not all of it. Just the last scenes.
HUGHES A2: That's it! That's the perfect combination of cinematic influence for the greatest film ever made in the history of mankind! The Road meets Blind Fury meets Mad Max 2 meets Farenheit 451 with a dash of Deadwood and Rising Damp, just for good measure.
HUGHES A1: Let's do it!
HUGHES A2: Yeah!
HUGHES A1: You don't think ...
HUGHES A2: What, my brother?
HUGHES A1: You don't think ... that people might think ... it's a bit silly?
HUGHES A2: Did they call The Road silly? Is a Utah Film Critics Association Award silly? Is it?
HUGHES A1: You're right! Let's do it!


Miles said...

Haven't seen the Book of Eli, but I'm always glad to see references to Blind Fury.

Additionally, I'm wondering if my repeated use of the verb "see" was appropriate in that last sentence.

Martin said...

It takes a certain insane boldness to make your protagonist both Zatoichi and Jesus. A truly bonkers film - the appearance of Miss Jones tipped it over the edge. I've been meaning to write it up in tandem with The Road but after this I don't think I can.

Adam Roberts said...

Not to mention casting the actress who voices Meg Griffin as Lolita-ish eye-candy.

Abigail Nussbaum said...

You might want to avoid Black Swan, then.

Adam Roberts said...

You're not the first person to suggest that Black Swan might be a film to avoid. Although isn't Natalie Portman Israeli? (though resident in the States, of course). By which I mean: isn't Portman the only Israeli movie star anybody outside Israel can name, except Topol? You're saying that's not a good enough reason to see the film?

Abigail Nussbaum said...

It's a reason for me to see the film, of course. I just meant that since Mila "voice of Meg" Kunis plays a sultry, bisexual ballet dancer in Black Swan you might find it equally jarring.

YodasEars said...

I stayed away from the Book of Eli, because I gathered early on that it was Zardoz, but the book in question was a bible, so it even managed to miss one of Zardoz's key points!